Aurelio Voltaire - BiTrektual

15 October 2012

I recently discovered that one of my favorite singers, Aurelio Voltaire, released an album containing parody songs about Star Trek, Star Wars, and Doctor Who. It is a fun collection of little ditties making light of some of my all-time favorite Sci-Fi epics.

Before I share my thoughts on this CD, allow me to first answer the question: Who is this Aurelio Voltaire character?

Funny you should ask.

Voltaire is an artist whose music is somewhat difficult to classify. It is an eclectic mixture of goth, cabaret, new wave, steam punk, and whatever mood seems to strike him when he composes a song. The topic of his songs is often dark, though much of it has a humorous, lewd, and sometimes even mocking side. Voltaire is also a lover of Science Fiction and an avid Star Trek fan. He released Banned on Vulcan in 2001, a parody EP poking fun at various aspects of Star Trek and its characters. Quite a fun and silly set of songs.

BiTrektual, Voltaire's latest album, contains updated versions of five previously released tracks in addition to five new but equally fun songs (six if you count the two versions of the title track). The CD also has some pretty amazing cover art. And Voltaire even convinced Garrett Wang, Tim Russ, and Robert Picardo from Star Trek: Voyager to contribute vocals to three of the tracks.

Below is a track by track summary and review of the songs on BiTrektual.

I skipped tracks 6, 8, and 10, because they are recorded bits of monologue from Voltaire's concerts that are related to Star Wars.

Warning: Some of the tracks include lewd humor and innuendo not suitable for young children.

Track 1 - BiTrektual (with Jason Charles Miller)

This song is about the fanboys/fangirls of Science Fiction who enjoy arguing that their show/movie is the best. Voltaire sings the part of the Star Wars fan while Jason Charles Miller sings the part of the Star Trek fan. The song begins which each arguing their side and evolves into them putting their differences aside and becoming BiTrekual, singing amusing lines such as, "think how awesome it would be a team up with Jean-Luc and Leia." I would have preferred to see a team up with Han Solo and Deanna Troi, but that doesn't fit the rhythm of the song or rhyme. Overall, BiTrektual sets the tone for the remainder of the album. I quite enjoyed the silly banter between the fans.

Track 2 - The Trouble with Tribbles

Warning: This song is quite explicit, lewd, and not for the faint of heart. I can't even review this song without spoilers, but I will say that if you listen to this song, you will never look at Tribbles the same way again. You cannot unhear what you hear. Seriously.

Track 3 - Screw the Ocampa (with Garrett Wang and Tim Russ)

Screw the Ocampa is a parody of Star Trek: Voyager that is written to the tune of Sloop John B. It tells the story of the USS Voyager crew who are stranded in the Delta Quadrant with the Ocampa and just wanna go home. This song is also on Banned on Vulcan but the new version has some added humorous lines voiced by Garrett Wang and Tim Russ. I quite enjoyed it, and it has tempted me to go back and revisit the Voyager series.

Track 4 - The Sexy Data Tango

The Sexy Data Tango is also on Banned on Vulcan and is the story of Data and Tasha Yar. However, it is probably not like any story that has been told before. Filled with double entendres and sexual innuendo ("filthy horta" and "warpcore manifold"), the song describes Data's sexual encounters with Tasha Yar. According to the song, Data is "fully functional and anatomically correct."

Track 5 - The USS Make Shit Up

The USS Make Shit Up is a song about treknobabble, the pseudoscientific silliness that is present in many episodes of Star Trek, the technical details and inconsistencies that make fans scratch their head a bit, but they overlook, because, well, Trek is awesome. The song has a catchy tune filled with lots of silliness. It is also on Banned on Vulcan and is a fan favorite that is often played at Voltaire's concerts.

Track 7 - Worf's Revenge

A song about Worf is pretty awesome. But a song about Worf written in the style of gangsta rap is frelling brilliant. I must admit, every time I hear this song, I picture Worf rapping and can't help but crack up. Imagine Worf singing, "Cuz I'm the MacDad Klingon with the humanoid bitches / My head ain't the only part of me that's got ridges." Genius. Klingon words are sprinkled throughout the song adding a nice touch for hardcore Star Trek fans. Worf's Revenge is also on Banned on Vulcan.

Track 9 - Cantina

Warning: This is another graphic song with a lot of lewd language and sexual references. Cantina is about a poor guy who got more than he bargained for in a cantina on Tatooine. The country style of the song gives it kind of a redneck setting which I find hilarious. But then again, I do have a weird and sometimes juvenile sense of humor. Cantina also appears on a few of Voltaire's previous CDs.

Track 11 - Docking Bay 94

Docking Bay 94 is the story of Luke Skywalker and how his life will change once he meets up with Han Solo and Chewbacca for adventure on the Millennium Falcon. It's a fun, acoustic song that alludes to some of the events in the movies.

Track 12 - It's Bigger on the Inside

The first time I heard this song, I was distracted by the Doctor Who-isms that were mentioned throughout the song such as the Cybermen, Weeping Angels, and Daleks and did not realize what the song was actually about. Then I listened to this quaint Dixieland ditty again, and realized that the TARDIS that he is referring to is not a blue telephone box or even a "box" at all: "I must admit, it's rather long / If you think I mean my scarf you're wrong!" As Sulu would say, "Oh my!"

Track 13 - Expendable (with Robert Picardo, Tim Russ, and Jason Charles Miller)

Expendable is a fun musical number about the expendable characters on Star Trek and Star Wars, the Redshirts and the Stormtroopers. The song is set up as an epic battle between the two and provides their back story about how they became expendable. It reminded me of a song that you would hear in a musical, and I couldn't help but imagine a Redshirt and a Stormtrooper singing and dancing. I really enjoyed this one.

Track 14 - BiTrektual - Bonus Track (with Robert Picardo)

This is the same song as Track 1 except that Voltaire sings with Robert Picardo, and there is a small lyrical change at the end. A nice way to come full circle and remind Science Fiction fans to enjoy all of Science Fiction and become MultiTrektual.

So there you have it. Until next time live long and prosper, may the force be with you, and whatever you do, don't blink!